The Wisdom of Greg by Susan and Bill Van Oije - The Guilt Trip
Posted
-
- Jun
- 13
- 2025
by Elizabeth Boisson
Written by Susan Van Oije with Bill and Greg
Bill is just an ordinary guy who has had extraordinary things happen to him since the passing of his son Greg. Susan writes it all down. The Calgary, Canada affiliate leaders are on an amazing journey with their son.
THE GUILT TRIP
Where are you on your guilt trip? Are you early in your journey of suffering, or farther down the road and heading for acceptance and self-forgiveness? It's unlikely that very many Shining Light Parents have escaped the feelings of guilt and regret when a child passes.
I felt a lot of guilt when my son Greg passed almost 11 years ago from the effects of substance use at age 27. Bill, too, felt he failed our son. Going over and over what happened, who said or didn't say what, all of those woulda, coulda, shoulda's and what-ifs... But here's a few what-ifs for you: What if you knew beyond any doubt that your child in spirit does not want you to feel any guilt or responsibility for their passing? What if you knew that everything that's happening on your and your child's journey is exactly as it's meant to happen?
Bill and I know the answer to those what-ifs because Greg has told us many times, "No regrets, just awareness that everything is as it should be. There are no mistakes." As a statement of truth it's pretty simple, yet many of us still struggle to cast off the heavy burden of guilt because we believe we, as parents, should have been able to prevent the circumstances that resulted in our child leaving this Earth.
We learned very shortly after Greg passed that Bill can communicate with our son in incredibly vivid dreams and during waking hours, especially while meditating. In those first few years after Greg's passing we worked through a lot as Greg guided us through our grieving process, but the remnants of guilt and regret still hung on to me like a cold, wet blanket.
We made a huge breakthrough in our journey to self-forgiveness when we attended a Helping Parents Heal meeting with guest medium Shannon Horton at the Unity Church in Phoenix. It was one of our first meetings, and our first meeting that featured an evidential medium. We had no expectations, and I thought we wouldn't hear from Greg because Bill was already in such close communication with him. But our son came through with a healing message that he knew we needed to hear, and he made it abundantly clear we are not to blame ourselves in any way for his passing. And he told us why he left.
Greg started off by saying "Mom, you did everything for me that you could ever do. You've got to let this go, that you didn't do enough. And Dad, you were there for me as well." He told us through Shannon that he wanted us to understand we were not responsible for him going down the road he went. He made his own choices. He said we were great parents and provided a good home for him. And then Greg told us he was going to answer our “Why?” because we had often asked ourselves why this happened to him. The answer he gave us was stunning, because it told us there is so much more going on in our soul's journey than we would ever think possible. Greg said he came into this life with a lot of trauma and grief from another lifetime, and “I chose you as parents because I knew you would help me, love me unconditionally, help me accept myself as much as you could because I was working through that stuff.” Shannon said, “He’s trying to help you understand why he left, and why he had some problems. It’s not anything you did.”
Then Greg told us something through Shannon that was so beautiful and healing for us. She said because we loved him so much, Greg said, “When I passed, most of it left me because I saw how much I was loved. I had all that love. It was very real.” He said he's continuing to work on his healing on the other side. It really is all about love, and to be told by Greg that our unconditional love for him helped to heal him as he transitioned to the other side – well, words cannot express.
Greg knew, of course, that I was writing this column, and when Bill woke up in the middle of the night recently, Greg started to talk to his Dad about guilt and he wrote it down: "Guilt is dealt with by feeling and embracing acceptance of what has happened and then to move into gratitude for what is. Once acceptance and gratitude are realized, guilt will vanish for what has occurred."
Then Greg quoted back to his Dad what Bill has often said since Greg moved to the other side, just to prove yet again that Greg hears everything and sees everything that's going on in our lives: "The most horrific and the most beautiful is the process (Bill says Greg's passing is "the most horrific thing that's ever happened to me, and the most beautiful thing that's ever happened to me" because of the astounding growth and learning that has resulted)." Greg continued: "The sooner you can come to this conclusion, the sooner the grief will pass. Way to go Dad! Face the reality and move on to the acceptance and gratitude."
It may take a while to get there, dear Shining Light Parents, but it is possible to release our guilt and regrets and find peace. And when we do, our children in spirit are overjoyed.
Our kids want us to know: It's time to stop the guilt trip.
If you would like to hear more about our amazing experiences, click here https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2DjAmy8pk48 to watch the video Bill made for the HPH YouTube channel.