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Sharing the Journey from Bereaved to Shining Light Parent
Michele Patafio's Validation with her daughter Alex through Rev. Sue Frederick

Michele Patafio's Validation with her daughter Alex through Rev. Sue Frederick

  • Posted
    • Aug
    • 11
    • 2023
by Elizabeth Boisson
I had a wonderful zoom meeting with Rev. Sue Frederick.  I am fairly new to HPH but am finding my way around (so many resources, extensions, etc). I am blown away at the support and eager to get to know more. I also recommended that my daughter (who lost her only sibling) join the HSH group.  Please allow me to personally thank you for all you have done to create a space for others to not only survive, but to heal and to thrive!  
I met with Sue this past Friday, July 14, 2023.  We spent 90 mins together discussing my family, the loss of my 30 yr old amazing daughter, Alexandra, (10/7/22) and our plans moving forward.  The most amazing things were said by Sue, and they echoed what I had just posted for the 40 week mark of my daughter’s transition (It was not a public fb post so she could not have seen what I wrote).  I had experienced a true shift the week leading up to my meeting with Sue, and she spoke about all of the things I had been feeling over that week.  When I say a “shift”, I am speaking about my whole belief system.  Our souls, the plan, the purpose, all of it.  I had this awakening during that week and it all came together the morning of and during my meeting with Sue.  It was like my daughter knew that I needed to be affirmed, and affirmed I was.  Sue is boldly honest, compassionate, and very blessed with an extraordinary gift.  Unbeknownst to her, I asked Alex to speak about the one thing no one had yet to do and if this person were to speak about it, then I would have the ultimate affirmation that her true essence was being accurately conveyed.  Because while I BELIEVE my daughter shows up to every encounter I may seek out, I have not been assured that those individuals were accurately reading my daughter;  until Sue.  The one thing I had asked was to have Sue mention her hair.  Alex's hair was so important to me because the state of her body after being horrifically struck by an impaired driver (and ejected in spite of being seat-belted in), was such that we could only view her face and hair (and we had to wait 4 days for the medical examiner to release her).  When everyone had concluded their visits with Alex, I went back inside the room where she lay (with the funeral director) and combed her beautiful hair.  I was actually struck by how soft it was given what she had just endured.  It was my plan to take a portion of her hair as a keepsake, which I did.  It meant the world to me to have it and to have had that last beautiful moment with my baby.  During our mediation, Sue mentioned my stroking Alex’s hair not once, not twice, but three times.  No one before her had ever mentioned the one thing I had repeatedly asked Alex to share.  It was the ultimate gift.
All this to say, I was already “there”.  I had been experiencing these “awakenings” for lack of a better word over the course of these 40 weeks since Alex transitioned.  40 weeks is so symbolic in human life, and in this case, I feel like I, too, had a rebirth of sorts.  Sue was like spiritual guide that led me to where I was trying to get but just needed that little nudge to leap to the "new". 
It took a few months to arrange the meeting with Sue but I know the timing was perfect.  Absolutely perfect.  
I cannot say how comforting it was to be affirmed of where Alex truly is;  that she is, indeed, “home” and that she walks every step with me, now and forever more.   I am looking at the gift my precious daughter was in life and in death (or in the great beyond).  If I could have gotten in the way of the man who killed her, I would have.  If given the chance today to do the same, I would do it in a heartbeat.  Sadly, that isn’t a possibility for me.  But what is possible is for me to walk with my daughter’s spirit, to believe that she is showing up all day every day to see me through the rest of this journey, and that I can and will do healing work for myself and OTHERS in her name, memory and honor.  I am ready to experience this "new" life in a new way; I am ready to believe that Alex is where she can do her best work and help me to accomplish mine.  Losing a child changes every single aspect of life.  Nothing remains the same.  My dream, my goal is to rise up and become SO MUCH MORE than I ever thought myself capable.  
I am grateful to HPH.  I am grateful to Rev. Sue Frederick for all that she offers to others in the name of healing and I am especially grateful to my amazingly precious daughter, Alex, for walking me the rest of the way.  
~With warmest regards, Michele Patafio

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