Spreading Sunshine - Breaking Patterns
by Elizabeth Boisson
~by LeAnn Hull
Recently, I had quite the argument with my oldest son which hasn’t been resolved to my satisfaction yet. This disconnect feels so bad especially after the pain of having one son already in Heaven. Haven’t we all gone through enough without the challenges that continue to go on in our lives? My other children have definitely struggled after losing their brother and they have “coped” with that in a variety of unhealthy ways. But that is life and I need to carry on the best way that I can. Keep my head up and spread some sunshine where I am able.
No doubt, you have heard the saying…” Put your oxygen mask on first before you help anyone else”. I have been thinking lately that maybe this is wrong, well maybe it’s right for an airplane but we use that phrase all too often for focusing on our own problems. While I’m not suggesting that we ignore our own health both mental and physical, but what if helping others really in fact helped us? My son actually has used this phrase recently when I was trying to reconcile our argument. He said that he was putting on his oxygen mask and couldn’t focus or deal with my pain or process. My response was quite matter of fact…. I told him to just stop it and put it behind. Let’s move on and forward and learn from our mistakes. But some people just want to hold onto the pain for some reason. I guess that we want our feelings to be validated and therefore the more that we display how bad we feel, we think that others will commiserate with us, and we will be understood. The madder or sadder that we are will help others to understand how bad we are hurting. At some point don’t we want to stop being mad or sad? I know that I want to be happy and joyful and that is up to me.
But what if we broke the patterns of behavior? What if we just chose to break the cycle of our thoughts? Is it just that simple? No, of course it isn’t or else everyone would probably do it. It takes a decision first to move forward and then lots and lots of practice. Then you will need a great deal of patience while your patterns begin to change, and growth occurs. This is a healthy learning process.
What are your patterns that are holding you back from finding happiness again after your child has crossed the veil? Do you dig your heals in at the possibility of healing? Does that word healing make you cringe and seem impossible? I remember writing a post early on in my healing journey where I told someone that I didn’t break a leg!! I lost a child and healing isn’t possible! I was angry and adamant about my pain lasting a lifetime. And yet here I am healing! But, it began with breaking speech and thought patterns and being open to new teachings and new possibilities. It began with me. I had to open the door to happiness and joy.
Say yes today to breaking patterns and picture your child cheering you on from the other side saying…” Great job Mom or Dad!! I’m so proud of you!”
~Shine on, Moms and Dads~LeAnn Hull, Andy's Proud Mama and the founder of Andy Hull's Sunshine Foundation.
LeAnn is the author of How to Live When You Want to Die, available on Amazon. She is also the Co-Affiliate Leader with Sophia Mecum of Helping Parents Heal - Healing After Suicide.
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